Anyway, due to the weather, I didn't make it into work. I felt somewhat guilty about not even attempting to go in, but I knew that things were going to progressively get worse as the day went along. Also, my boss isn't always the most agreeable and I didn't know if he would understand if I had to leave early b/c of it. I decided not to even chance it.
But now I'm having second thoughts... I don't know, maybe I should have went in for a few hours. It certainly would have been good to have gotten some work done...that goes without a doubt. Now, Monday I am going to be beyond overwhelmed with stuff, not to mention having to deal with my boss too. Of course, now it's too late, so I guess I'll have to just deal... though I'm kind of stressed already thinking about it. (not that it takes too much to stress me out as we already know ;-o)
Speaking of stress and anxiety, among other things, I'm not sure I mentioned that I started on a new psych drug. I'm taking Lexapro. I started about 10 days ago on the lowest dose. Honestly, I'm not sure that it's making a huge difference, but I do feel like I'm a little it more at ease than usual. So I guess that's something.
Truthfully, dealing with my anxiety and depression has really hindered me tin he past and still does in many ways. To me, It almost feels all encompassing, if that makes sense. My mind would get so stuck on one thing, a negative situation or experience, that I would have a hell of a time getting past it. It doesn't help that I am hypersensitive.
J actually used this word in therapy when I described to her how I react to different things in life. And I feel that it's so fitting, that I think I would choose it to sum me up if limited to one word.
This, in my opinion, is not a good thing. Let's face it, living in today's world can be difficult. There are plenty of chances to be knocked down by different circumstances, things, and people. Oh, yeah, people can be horrible- mean and vicious for no reason. And some don't care whatsoever if they kick you when you are already down. So being hypersensitive really doesn't lend itself well to trying to live life and encounter different situations and people. It just challenges me more than I think I would ever need.
Then you add Diabetes to the mix-and if I wasn't already a chaotic mess, then I SURE as hell am now!
So how do I deal with this all? Frankly, I'm not sure. Yes, I'm seeing a therapist and taking medication prescribed by my psychiatrist, but I still feel uncertain about things. Plus, I can't shake the hopelessness I feel about things ever getting better. I'm not real confident about that at all.
I'm doing the best I can, trying to manage and do what I can to get by, but I'm still not sure that's good enough and that worries me.